10 days in Hell.....or Heaven??

Photo courtesy http://www.smh.com.au (no cameras allowed) - View from the Vipassana centre - stunning views help to make it all right

Are we there yet??? Remember your longest ever car trip as a child, the time dragging through interminable queasy hours of ‘eye’spy’ games, having just counted the 186th red car. Now multiply that drag factor by 10, and you have roughly the feeling that overwhelmed me after the first few hours of meditation on Day 1. And most of Days 2, 3, 4 and 5.

Where....
The 10-day course, at the Blackheath Vipassana Centre, had been on a vague ‘challenge’ list of mine for years. Initially it was the challenge of being completely without input or escape from my own mind for 10-days. The thought of not talking didn’t bother me, but the thought of no books, music, movies, art, writing or any escapism whatsoever was incomprehensible.

However, this last Christmas, I found myself between jobs and in a place where my own head space finally felt like a rather pleasant spot to spend a stretch of time. Also for the last few months I’d noticed a rather small but obvious still point in the middle of my mind somewhere - I wanted to explore and expand on this.

Friends and friends of friends had done the course and raved, however they all mentioned they had gone there after a relationship breakup. At the Vipassana centre, as yet another sonambulistic hippy dragged their feet past me, I realised that most of them too seemed content with the ample time for reflection. As for myself, my wheels were spinning and I was ready to get on with the year, get back to london, get back to Life. I’d had it with reflection, so instead spent every spare moment outside of the daily 12-hours meditation regime, exercising, doing yoga and walking at full speed through the bush.

The Technique
Image courtesy http://2.bp.blogspot.com/

The technique is remarkably effective and simple. Derived directly from the Buddha, the fundamental Buddhist principle of impermanence and ongoing change is experienced directly through awareness and observation of bodily sensations. Being a sensory-based practice, the mind is side-stepped so that finally the here and now of the body can be experienced without judgement, and with acceptance and objectivity - ‘EQUANIMITY’.

Getting there is the challenge. The ‘monkey mind’ needs to be quieted, or as the teacher Goenka says, the mind is a wild animal that must be tamed for mutual benefit. As someone who loves wild animals and believes they should remain wild, I preferred to think of my mind as an undisciplined dog who needed to be trained. So be it. Fido was running amok, and was bought into line with 2 days of observing the breath in and out of my nostrils. Cool inhale, warm exhale. On the third day we advanced to 12 hours of observing the space directly below the nostrils and above the upper lip. I was lucky to get Fido to sit still for 10 seconds, but after repeat training he calmed down and yes, we were able to observe the little tiny hairs moving up and down for several minutes at a time. These first three days of practice are called Ananapana meditation, the concentration technique.

On Day 4 we advanced to the actual Vipassana technique. We expanded this awareness to the whole body. Proceeding in an orderly fashion from the top of the head, every twitch and itch and pins and needle was observed. Funnily enough, under observation a sneeze disappears and even the excruciating pain of sitting cross-legged on the floor dissipates, so that towards the end I could sit for almost 2 hours without moving. Day 7 we started to unify the whole body with a stream of consciousness running through it. Or if like me you still have an unruly Fido digging holes everywhere, little spurts of feeling a warm glow and slight ‘buzzy’ sensation. I discovered that my muscles do a lot of twitching. During this process all sorts of things may occur. For me, I had two really early childhood memories flash up, preceeding anything previously. In one image, I’m about 3 and at the royal parade when Princess Anne visited the Snowy Mountains in Talbingo. In the next flashback, I get a brief and vivid memory of myself as a BABY on my back throwing my legs over my head and feeling very pleased with myself.

Nature and Detail

The other strange thing with this experience was that in the absense of anything else of interest, around about Day 4 the stunning natural surroundings leapt into a sort of clarity I have not experienced before with Nature. I now understand how the Yanamamo and other indigenous people can get on such intimate terms with their environment. I paused on one of the tracks, and within 30cm3 of ground space observed a cacophony of biodiversified richness. Tiny mosses, ferns, branches, plants, insects, and a little dead beetle shell all revolved in this Dhammic wheel, it was quite a hippy moment for me.

To Sum it up.....
All in all the value of this technique for me was in acceptance and non-judgement. The fundamental Western Rationalist thought “Cogito Ergo Sum” (I think therefore I am) is re-written to something like “I feel therefore I am” - the fundamental undeniable ‘truth’ in this scheme is that your own bodily sensations are really the only truth there is. As well as being your only truth, they are also a fundamental reminder of the Dhamma, or constantly turning wheel of life - henceforth practicing this technique helps in acceptance of mortality, of change and impermanence, and all in all helps one to radiate a truly peaceful sense of wellbeing and love to all. Well that’s the theory.

It’s difficult to pronounce a verdict on this course. As a technique, it’s the best meditation technique I’ve ever encountered. As an experience, well it’s a bit like asking a parent if having a child is worth it. Of course, after all the pain and effort and time and love that has been put into it, they are going to say ‘YES’. Same with Vipassana. After 10 days of torture, of course I am bound to say ‘YES’ it was a moving event in my life. However, I will keep you posted as to whether in fact it has been useful. As I wait in yet another queue at the bank or postoffice at least I now have the facility to close my eyes, stare at the back of my eyeballs, enjoy the space, and have no expectations about just ‘being’ there. That has to be a good thing.